listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
