the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
