we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
