This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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