I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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