I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
