Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
