the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
