Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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