i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think my vagina is haunted
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Your cock deserves a montage
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Enjoy the penises
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
