I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
