I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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