apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
