Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
