I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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