your thong is hanging out like whoa
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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