fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
