I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
