I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
