I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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