how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
