remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
