My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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