Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
