He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
