I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
