The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
