so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
