you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
