I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
