If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
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I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
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Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize