Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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