Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
