Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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