I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
