i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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