At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
