It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
