my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
