If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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