I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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