took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
