If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
