Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
