it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
