For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
