I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
