I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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