I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
