A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
