there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
