Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
