dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
