so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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