the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
