You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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