this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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