Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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