oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
