She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
