So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
