I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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