we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
