i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
