woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize