I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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