It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
