their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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