Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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