Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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