So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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