i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
