so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
bring money and cleavage
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
