i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
